'Summer' the season of forgotten hobbies, fangirling and solitude

 

              

Academic year has always been a moment that never failed to put me into a survival mode. Whenever another year comes. It's like my whole system has been program to only focus on studying. The reason why, I tend to neglect all other things I like. Weekdays are all about attending university, doing homework and activities while weekends are for hanging out with my family and friends then resting. Those twenty four hours and seven days in a week are too short for me to still do my other interest. It was a never ending cycle for ten months. 

Despite all of those chaos. There's one thing I will always look forward to, it was summer. The vacation months to be exact. In that short span of time. I uncontrollably think of all the things I would do. It's like coming back home to my authentic self and to my absolute freedom. Summer has always make me feel liberated and complete. A life without the constant urge to be strong, to be in a survival mode, to socialize with people that drains my energy and to stop thinking about real world issues for a moment. These time of the day is for isolation, disappearing, hiding and all other words that described staying at home. When this season comes my family won't even bother to asked me out, they knew that it was my seclusion time and they're not a fan of vacation travel so it was an advantage to me. My friends are also well aware that this time is for isolation and social recharging as they do it too. Summer was a great season for me. I tend to spend every seconds of it doing everything I love and coming back to the things I ignored for too long. It was a time for pleasure and leisure. 

I had always been addicted to trying new things so when someone asked me "what's your hobby ?" I answered "collecting hobbies". Since I was a young child doing anything creative had always brings me joy. It's not a surprise that I like making crafty things and arts. When I look back to my old portfolio where it contains works during my younger days. I can see how much my paintings had improve and how much I become so comfortable in playing with colors. By this time, my medium is gouache. I enjoy using it and playing with it's consistency by adding water. Before I used oil pastels to create some drawings and paintings but now gouache is my go to material. I love handling paint brushes acting as if I was a prominent painter during the Renaissance period when in fact my skills are so far from that. In the course of a year, I had used seven sketchbooks and filled it with different arts. Right now I'm still looking for my own art style and exploring ways to improve this silly hobby of mine. I love how painting brings me a sense of peace of mind. 

Last year, I became so interested in needleworks. I forgotten how did I learn to sew but the last time I try it, I feel like I'm good at it so I decided to pursue. I tried embroidery and it was fun making characters just by using needle and thread. So on, I tried crocheting it was amazing to play with yarns and turning it to something usable, cute and sustainable item. I created a lot of things with it like headbands, pouches which I gave most of it to my sister, clothes and keychains. I feel like I can conquer the world whenever I crochet like I can do a lot of things with a simple material. Last summer, me and my friend even sell our items online and I can say that I was a success. Selling works for something I just recently learn is such a bold move but it was fun trying though we stop because school year become so busy but I still crochet things for my own specially this summer. 

Since then I had always been fond of writing. It was my solace that I never wanted to stop. I had made four piece of writing this vacation and I feel like I can do more. It's just that I have so much things to talk about. Even when speaking or talking I have so much words to say but writing just feels so different. I feel as though I'm talking to a paper who just attentively listen without any prejudice. Writing just makes me feel so vulnerable and there's a certain intimacy that comes from it. To write something I would never even talk about to anyone. I also got the habit of posting it on my blog, I don't even bother if someone would read it . I just love the essence of seeing my personal works. I don't think I could ever stop writing or journalling. It brings me a lot belonging and warmth that I can never feel to any human being. 

As much as I like writing, I also love reading. For the past few years I've been buying books that are so challenging to read but also have the essence of learning vocabulary, life lessons and fictional experience. If not for it's expensive prize, I know that I would have a pile of books in the corner of my room so I got the habit of also reading online. Reading is reading. I love learning new knowledge. Actually I was bothered with how slow I read books but I learn it the hard to just enjoy the process and actually understand what I am reading rather than to just read without having any collective thought. This season is for reading non stop. I remember my e-book and wattpad days. I truly enjoy reading romance and thriller genres before that I'm still awake until midnight or even when the sun started to shine. This time I've been trying to read more literature and classical written works. 

Summer is for consuming media. I had finished hundreds of movies in existence. I always love it. It's an essential part of my life. I've been exposed to movies ever since I was ten years old. It was series called 'Wrong Turn' being watched by my aunt. Since then I became a fan of gore and thriller movies. I don't get scared with horrors and brutal genres, I'm actually entertained by it. But then I had found out about action movies through my father who is watching 'Terminator' I started fangirling over action stars especially Arnold Schwarzenegger. Then my exposure to my first fantasy series that was suggested by my elementary friend Jeny Lou on the time that school year was going to end. It was 'Harry Potter' everyone in my life knew how much I love the series. I even made a friend because we both like it. I remember devoting a whole notebook just for Harry Potter printer photos and facts about it. Our neighbor even gifted me a pirated CD of the whole series. I even dream to enter that magical world. I feel like I was born crazy to fangirl over things. It's a life with western media not until I discovered the Asian ones. It changed the trajectory of my life. I discovered Korean drama where I watched my first ever KDrama. It was the most gut wrenching, soul crashing and a tear jerker drama it was 'Scarlet Heart: Ryeo'. I even rewatched it for so many times and it never failed to broke my heart. Followed by Chinese Drama like 'Meteor Garden' and Thai Drama like 'A crazy little thing called Love'. I had learned to love every genre. It has my heart and I will never ever stop watching movies that captivates my attention.

This summer I had rewatched my favorite anime 'Attack on Titan' . I've been watching anime ever since I was young like Sailor Moon, Detective Conan, Naruto, And Dragon Ball but AOT got my whole heart so I can't stop myself from rewatching over and over again. I also watched new releases anime like Kaiju No.8 which is very promising. Windbreaker that's like an alternative universe of Tokyo Revengers and my favorite so far which is Bluelock, I never thought I would like it because it's a sport anime about soccer and I know nothing about it but it's deeper than that. It gives me the same feeling I had with Haikyuu which is about volleyball. I can't wait to have another season, I even wanted to read it's manga but I'm stopping myself for any spoilers. I love anime a lot, on how wholesome it is from all the effort the author and the company made for all of it's animation. Japanese movies are also good. One of my recent was 'Drawing Closer' which brought me to tears. I'm a sucker for movies with sad endings. I love watching and consuming media. It makes me feel like I'm living in a different worlds. The lessons it gives and cinematography is so mesmerizing. 

Lately, I've been thinking about my fangirling era. I thought it was just a phase because I felt unfazed to even look and listen during school months but I realized that I was just busy and my love for it never actually left me. The first ever kpop group that I like is BTS, I was such a young girl back then but remembering all those memories feels so nostalgic. I collected photocards, albums, posters and listen to their songs nonstop until I memorize all the korean lyrics. It's the same thing I'm doing with Treasure now. I love them and they brings me joy. They're my comfort and they can effortlessly makes me laugh like crazy. I still love watching their contents and watching them grow. I honestly thought that It's only phase but I guess it's not. Fangirling is not just about being a crazy girl stanning a bunch of man, it's more than that. They're a solace that no one can ever understand unless they're a fan itself. 

It's the music, their whole being that makes me feel good. The same thing with OPM right now. IV of Spades whom I used to love, their discography are just top tier and I honestly wish for them to comeback. I continue to support Zild Benitez. The music he has right now are far different from IVOS but this time it feels more genuine and real because he's composing and singing songs from personal experience. His album Medisina was my favorite. This summer I also discovered Chappell Roan. I really love her music and her advocacy. Her recent album which is the Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess was really good that I keep listening on it on repeat. It's just that music, art and cinema got my whole heart. It's something that no one can ever take away from me. 

The thing about all of this is that I mostly experience and comeback with them in the midst of my own solitude. In the moment of my disappearance from the world. In the time where silence is my best friend. The moment where I can feel my genuine self. Where I felt so comfortable and happy with my own skin. A season where no one's eyes is looking after me. The summer where I can ignore all weights of the world that I had to face when this season ends. There's just this strange feeling about coming to summer. It's experiencing my life and solitude in an extent. To run away with my problems and anxieties away for a short period of time. To go home in place where I can be free and have peace of mind, to just ignore everyone and everything in this world. A swift escape to my own little world.